OVERwhelmed
yup. .that about sums it up for me. . . . overwhelmed, overextended, overtired. i'm not the funnest person to be around right now LOLhow did it get to be June 15th already?? seems like time's just zooooming by me. . . linda said it the best when she said she feels like the person on the end of a "vigorous game of crack the whip". . i know how she feels. . of course. . for different reasons LOL
so. .where to start. . . mom needs more surgery. . i guess that's as good of a place to start as any. it's not good news. .. the hole connecting the pouch to her anus isn't big enough and isn't working right. . so. . they need to fix it or stretch it or something. . but apparently it WAS made big enough and has shrunk. . .ugh. .who knows. . . not i. . what i DO know is that she's 88 pounds right now and i feel like she's going to just die any second. . yeah i know i shouldn't think that way. . and maybe i'm being a baby. .but how can i help it??? i'm SO scared. . . scared for HER, for me, my dad etc etc. i'm trying to be strong for her and keep her positive. .but it's so HARD
which brings me to another point. . i'm a horrible daughter. . :( no. . i really am. i feel spread SO thin right now and i'm starting to resent what i have to do. john and i go there 3-4 nights a week to cook dinner since she can't do it herself right now. . . that means. . i leave the house at 645 am, work all day, drive straight there. . and don't get home until 730 or 8 every night . .. . needless to say i get NOTHING done. i come home, sit on the couch, then go to sleep :( . .i haven't scrapped in i don't know how long. . and i'm just getting NOT NICE. . and i hate that. ..i shouldn't feel like this. .she's my MOTHER. . and if it were me. . she'd be helping me left, right, and center. . and NOT complaining. . .yeah. .not enough "me" time. . selfish. . . :( so that's why i'm a horrible daughter. . .
AND . . i found out yesterday that i didn't get the job i'd interviewed for :( :( :( :( big BUMMER :( :( in the back of my mind i kind of knew that if one particular person applied for it he would get it. .he's kind of a favorite of the management here (isn't that awful to have to say). . needless to say. .he applied for it and got it. .. i'm MAJORLY bummed about it. . the money would have been nice. .as would the chance to DO something different. . .don't get me wrong i like writing letters and i shouldn't complain. .but dammit i am complaining ROFL :)
wow. .i've done a lot of whining lol. . . let's see. . what ISN'T whining. . .well i have to weigh in tonight at weight watchers. . . i'll be whining later if i haven't lost ..lol. . .i think i'll be okay though. . i've stayed on plan all week and am feeling really good. . now i just wish it would SHOW, know what i'm sayin'?? :)
I preordered the july kit from Wendi Speciale Designs man does it ROCK!!!!! :) i mean. .i HAD to order it. .there's a GIANT A. . .and um.. .hello. . i AM amanda after all :) (wow that's a lot of a's :) )
anyway. . .i'm not a happy amanda lately. . and was just hoping that maybe writing about it would make me a MORE happy amanda. . . .as the magic 8 ball would say (note to self: go BUY magic 8 ball) outlook hazy!
hopefully i'll be able to post another loss tonight. . which WILL make me a happy amanda. .
posted by {Amanda} @ 12:22 PM
1 Comments:
Wishing you a great weigh in and hope that the doctors are able to take good care of your Mom. I wish I could help with the job stuff, but all I can do is offer ((hugs)), support and a shoulder whenever you need one, my friend!
Love ya!
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